Doctor's Appointment

Today, I had my not so fun yearly appointment (don't worry this post will get better). No woman I know enjoys or looks forward to this appointment. The only reason I kind of (a small kind of) did today was to see the doctor who delivered Nash and give her a picture of him. I know it is kind of weird but I have almost idealized my doctor. It's like there is this bond there (on my end, probably not hers). If you know Nash's birth story, it was a little traumatic and I am just super grateful to have had her for a doctor who came at 3:00 am to perform an emergency c-section which she does not do for everyone. Can you imagine to be awaken out of your sleep at 3:00 in the morning to have to rush to the hospital to preform a serious operation and potential life threatening on the infant? I sure can't. And she's a mom herself! And always real plesant and personable. Anyways. For almost a year, going to that place meant hearing Nash's heartbeat, finding out what was going on, you know fun and exciting stuff. This time not so much but I did enjoy seeing the pregnant women. Some were miserable and about to pop. Others were in the earlier phases that are super exciting. I'm not going to lie for a brief moment I missed being pregnant (seeing pregnant women rub on their bellies, being in the exam room over hearing in the exam room next to me a baby's heartbeat which I used to look so forward to hearing). It really is pretty amazing if you think about it. My appointment went fine. When I was pregnant, I dreaded the weigh in and would try to prepare myself by weighing at work so I would have a rough estimate of what I weighed so I would not be shocked at the office. This time I knew there would be no worries because I have lost so much. I actually weigh 5lbs less than what I did when I was six weeks pregnant. I guess that is good news. I don't really care about my weight (that's not entirely true) but I more so care about how I feel. I do wish I had the strength back that I had prepregnacy when I was working out pretty regularly but since then have not done consistently at all. Anyways, back to idealizing my doctor. I wanted so badly to relive the situation with her and/or ask her questions because I know she had a similar experience when her son was born but I held back and figured it would be inappropriate. I also analyzed whether or not to give her a picture of Nash up until the appointment. But she seemed like she really appreciated it and talked about how cute he was which I'm sure she does to everyone (who just does not say anything or says anything negative when they are given a photo of someones kid). But mine really is a cutie! I guess it being the most eventful day of my life and experience of my life AND besides me and my husband she was the next person as much involved as we were in pregnancy is the reason I think of her so highly. Also there is a psychological term called a trauma bond (basically it's a bond that you get with someone that you have experienced a traumatic situation with) which is more so my end of it than hers. I hope me thinking of her this way is normal? Probably as time goes by and my next yearly appointment comes up I won't be so excited about seeing her again! I joked with her at the office saying "I used to look forward to coming to see you". She said "these never get better do they?" Nice lady, wonderful doctor, a teeny tiny bit miss being pregnant but not enough to do it any time soon.