Had an "ah ha" moment

I have always had an issue with some conflict with my faith and my job. I realize this is mainly my issue. I know and believe God's word to be true but it was my perception that when some christian people talk about sin and people sinning to me it comes across is very condemning and not so much of understanding. I not saying this to justify sin but because of my line of work I know that people have some tough situations that a lot of us can't imagine. The things they have gone through and maybe that has led to addictions or other sin in their life as a way to cope. Not justifying it. It is what it is. I believe more Christians should have more empathy and be less condemning of sin. It isn't for us to judge but for God and it is only by the grace of God that we are not in similar situations. A lot of us just choose to sin because we want to not because something horrific has happened.
I have been doing the Beth Moore Study of Esther. I really like Beth Moore. She is very personable and down to earth. In one of her previous studies, she made the a comment about sin. She is open about her being sexually abused as a child and then as an adult or teenager her making some poor decision and giving into sin. She said that sin breads more sin (or something like that and that makes a lot of sense). Sin is sin but because she was sexually abused she tried to escape her pain and deal with things in a unhealthy and sinful way. It wasn't until she gave her life to God and surrendered herself completely that she was able to break free from some of her problems but only with God's help. She relies heavily on God's word to help her get through and grow as a Christian.
I have a client that if you name it it happened to them from birth until adulthood. Actually I have several of clients like that. They would give Job a good run for his money. As we were talking, the person was telling me horrific stories of several things that happened and I felt this evil presence in the room. I don't really get into different spirits and all that but I know there is spiritual warfare all around us. I don't experience this all the time so this was really disturbing to me. I had to pray to myself over and over until it lifted. This client is just wounded through and through. The person was not that I know of engaging in active sinning like I was telling you about Beth Moore's story but yet I felt an evil presence and it dawned on me the destructive power of sin. The Bible says that the devil comes to kill, steal, and destroy but that Jesus came so that we may have life and have it to the full. So, even though this person wasn't actively sinning. The sin of others greatly affected this person's life. I think God has a special place in his heart for people like that. He gives all humans the freewill to choose what we do but man do our choices really affect us and those around us and sometimes through generations unless the cycle is broken.
Okay. This post may not make any sense to any of the people that read it but it really spoke to me today. How God's word and his plan for our lives is there for a reason. He wants the best for us. Sin is so dangerous to us and others. I know I don't understand it all and never will. Just feel like I got a little glimpse today. I still have a lot of unanswered questions. Some I may never get answered and some I feel like my come to me over time but I have faith in God and know that he does have all the answers and that I don't have to have them just to put my trust and faith in him. The Bible says the least of those on Earth will be first in heaven and I believe that it is talking about those that in Earth had such a hard way to go that in heaven God will make it right. I think his heart breaks for those people who suffer due to man's sin just like mine does and more.
Wow! Sorry (not really) for the deep post. It was just on my heart today.

Christmas Pictures

We had a fabulous Christmas. Nash got way too much. It is overwhelming but fun. So, I decided to just post some of my favorite pictures from this Christmas.
Nash with his cousins playing the organ.
Nash's Rocking Chair.
Our family pic Christmas day.
Nash loves his ball popper thing.
Christmas morning.
What Nash saw Christmas morning. When he saw it he said "truck" (he calls all vehicles truck right now. he's on a big truck kick). Then he said "balls" and went crazy. We had balls everywhere.
Nash sitting in daddy's lap while he reads the Christmas Story.
Nash listening to Memaw read "The Night Before Christmas" with his cousins.

Nash's "choo choo" that Mr. Dave made him. He was saying "choo choo" and had bed head in this picture.
Nash helping me make snicker doodles.

A special "shout out" to DJ. Thanks so much for helping us get our computer up and running. You have been a life saver several times with our various computer issues through the years. Also, DJ is going to be a daddy again in August. Congrats to you and Cristi!

Friday was a good day

(This post was intended to have pics to go along with but due to having a virus on the main computer that I use with my pics and it being too difficult to do it another way I decided to do this post picture less)

The main reason Friday was a good day was I found my wedding ring (imagine a picture of my wedding band on my fineger inserted here) that had been missing for a week. I hadn't told many people that I was missing my ring because I was/am embarrassed about the reason I was "missing" it. Long story short, I vacuumed up my ring. Yep. That's right. To make it worse we have a central vac system in our house which means we plug our vacuum hose into these hose outlet things in our house and the dirt goes through all these pipes in our walls and then goes to a bucket in our coat closet.
It was last Friday when it dawn on me what I had done. We had a play date with Nate and Kat at Chuck E. Cheese and I disclosed to her what I had done because she too was "missing" her rings not too long ago partly due to her little one which mine was also partly to due to Nash. I thought that it had to be in the dirt container thing so when I went home I dug through this which was no easy chore. The container had not been emptied since we moved in to the house well over a year and a half ago. I dug through dirt, dog hair, and other various things that all together smelt like vomit several times without any luck. Then the horrifying thought set in that the ring had to be in the pipes in my wall. Theses pipes are not just straight the go up and around various things in the wall. I was beginning to think that I was not going get my ring out of the wall.
I prayed, cried, obsessed over my ring all week. My father in law installed our vacuum system so I thought I needed to tell my in-laws in case there was some magic trick or something you could do to get the ring out of the pipes. They weren't optimistic about it due the kind of pipes I had in the wall and how it was installed. So, we called the maker of the system to see if they had any ideas. I got a hold of this man who said he could come look at it and give it a shot. He didn't make any promises and said that it was $95 service charge just for coming out. Then he charged for whatever labor had to be done still without a guarantee that the ring would come out of the pipes.
Kat and Nate had come over this Friday for another play date at the house. The guy called on my cell phone and was telling me his charges and procedure and all of that. I had the fleeting thought and image in my head (don't ask me why I had not thought of this before) to look in the outlet. So, I went and picked up the cover and there sat my ring in a bunch of dirt and dog hair!!! I was amazed, shocked, and supa dupa excited! (I think Kat and I actually hugged and squealed like school girls).
I personally believe it was a God thing. Yes, I know that ring was sitting there all week but really how likely is that that it would just sit there and not be sucked up when that night that I heard the cling clang and something going through the vacuum hose that I thought was something completely different that Nash gets a hold of from time to time (not my ring that he had been playing with because it was hooked onto my watch and somehow came unhooked and landed in the carpet) and I proceeded to keep vacuuming the rest of my house which gave plenty more time for my ring to be sucked up into the pipes. If nothing else, I was saved a $95 service call for the man just to eventually look in the same place and say "is this your ring?".

Yeah, I feel like and idiot for several reasons. One, for even vacuuming up my ring in the first place. Two, for not stopping right when I heard the cling clang to figure out what it was. Three, for digging through tons of dirt several times before looking in the outlet. Four, for keeping the dirt just in case it was in there and I overlooked it the first few times. Five, (and this in the big one) for not looking into the outlet first.

Also, have some super cute pics of besties (Nash and Nate) playing basketball outside at the end of our road on the BIG goal. I swear those two can't get any cuter if they tried. May have to actually insert those pictures later on the ol blog once everything is up and running normally.

feeding himself (with utensils)

Yes we are working on it. The next mile stone. (I guess)

"now if I can just set it on my fork"

"...and make it stay"

"Victory is mine!!!"

No, he really can do it the regular way. It is so funny to watch him. You can see the wheels turning about how to hold the fork, how exactly to get the food on the fork, and then once the fork is to the mouth how exactly do I get the food off. He's learning and doing good. He actually prefers using the fork. It's a challenge.

my boy is 18 months old

Nash is 18 months today. He has his check up tomorrow for both his 18 and 15 month so I will have all the stats then. His 15 month had to be rescheduled because the doctor being out so now he will get even more shots. Not looking forward to that. He is also getting 18 month pics done this weekend and I am looking forward to that. I have been trying to think about what to say about him at his 18 month mark. The main thing that he is doing and getting better and better at is talking. I can't list all the words he is saying because that would be a very long and ridiculous post but I thought I would say some of them that I adore.

One is him saying his name. We ask him what his name is and he says "Naaash". We point to me and Chris and he will say "momma" "dada" and then point to him and he says "Naaash". When he sees a picture of himself or one time he saw a baby in a baby book and he says "Naash". It's really pretty adorable, clearly.

He also says "almost" a lot. The reason I like this is how it got started. When he was playing basketball in his room and would miss I would say "almost". He caught on and says it all the time now. He says "milk". He used to just say "juice" referring to all beverages and now he can differentiate between the two. He says "thank you" a lot which I love. I always say it to him so he has learned. Every morning when I give him his breakfast he says "thank you". He says "Mi E Mouse" when he sees his Mickey Mouse pj's, book, or sees him on tv. He says "there it is" when we do his Elmo book where we look for Elmo's blanket. Another thing I think is interesting. He says "balls" when he sees more than one ball like his blanket that has balls on it. He will say just "ball" when he is referring to one particular ball. His new thing he started saying this week is "I don't know". You ask him where something is and he says "I don't know" in a very cute upbeat way. There are tons more examples but you get the picture. His vocab is growing daily.

He has had quite the temper tantrums at times too. Normally when he is tired or if he wants something but does not have the words to tell you what he wants. Other times he get super emotional and his feelings get hurt for no particular reason and makes an awful face and a pitiful noise.

He is also so much fun most of the time. I enjoy playing with him. He is funny and makes me laugh a lot. He gets so excited over everything. I think the greatest part of being a mom so far is just being amazed by all the things they learn and they learn and grow so fast. It's is my pleasure and privilege to be able to be apart of that. It's the most rewarding thing I have ever done. I wouldn't trade it for anything. :)

The Collegiate Snuggie....

..just might be my favorite (unexpected) Christmas gift this year. This blanket was a magical gift of the Chinese Christmas at my mom's house. It's warm, long, cozy, and WONDERFUL.

I have secretly wanted a snuggie ever since they came out but was too embarrassed to really get one or for that matter too embarrassed to let any one know I really wanted one. (Chris knew but didn't take me seriously until tonight when I fell in love with it) I know they look ridiculous and cult like in the commercial but I am a grandma to the core. I am always cold and love blankets. The snuggie is the blanket to end all blankets.

(I secretly want to take it to work and wear it when it is so cold in my office. Most definitely could have and would have used it in the Christmas parade this past weekend)

The Jacksonville Christmas Parade

Nash rode in the Jacksonville parade today. His Mimi and Poppy and the Kinman's had the Santa float at the end of the parade. Nash got to "drive" the mule with his Poppy and LOVED it. He got excited saying "let's go" and squeled the whole time. It was freezing but we had a great time. Nash looked too adorable so of course I took a million pictures.

Nash with his aunt Jill. Her pre-k class was in the parade. He loves her and went to her right away.

Poppy, Nash, and Mimi

This was our ride. To mule raindeer and then the sleigh

me and my super cute boy

we had to trick nash to get his picture made with Santa in it. we know Santa so we had him just come up behind us. he liked Santa and would wave at him and say "santa" as long as he kept his distance

shifting gears and stiring

driving the mule with poppy during the parade. he really thought he was driving and would turn the wheel back and forth. he took his job very seriously.

nash waving at the crowd

bath time

Bath time has gotten crazy lately. Don't know if it is a stage he is going through or what. He has on and off liked his bath but lately he loves taking a bath. He gets everything in the tub with him; toys, cups, wash cloth, soap, whatever and throws it onto the bathroom floor. If I take everything out of the bath tub he still splashes like in the above pictures to the point there is water every where. The floor gets cleaned after every bath because all the water has to be wiped up. Sadie likes it because he likes licking the water off the floor. Even if there is no water in the bath tub he still plays in the bath tub and will lay face down with his booty in the air in the bottom of the tub.

My Grandmother's Wedding

My grandmother got married this past weekend. My grandfather passed away about six years ago when Chris and I were dating. It was tough on everyone. My grandpa was funny, athletic, and a great guy. He had a stroke and heart problems. He went down hill fast and wasn't himself until he passed away.
My grandmother has been "dating" Len for a year or so (something like that) and they decided to tie the knot. It was a little awkward at first for the family because he's not grandpa but he makes her happy. He is very nice and funny and is actually really similar to grandpa. You can tell he is crazy about her and she adores him. It's actually kind of sweet.
They got married in the church that me and Chris both grew up in and got married in. In fact, all our family got married in that church. We haven't been there probably since then so it was nice. It brought back a lot of memories. In a weird way it was neat to have Nash there because that church meant a lot to me growing and where his daddy and I met originally and got married. (It is a long story about how Chris and I ended up together and one that is weird especially to people that knew both of us then) The wedding was simple but pretty. My grandmother looked beautiful and was very happy as a bride should be. Len seemed nervous, happy and was cracking jokes about grandma running out on him as most grooms do.

The bride and groom. (doesn't he look like Donald Sutherland. my goofy husband pointed this out but it is so true). And maybe I am being a little self-absorbed but they remind me of me and Chris. He is so tall and she's so small. He is funny and athletic. She laughs at him all the time and thinks he is the funniest thing.

the whole fam

grandma and len with the grandchildren

Me and Nash at the sign in book

(since i am being so self absorbed. long story made short. chris and i grew up in the same church but barely even spoke to each other. after both of us had some heartaches. he was at ouachita. i was at fayetteville. our moms ran into each other and i was given Chris's number. i reluctantly called even though he will tell you he called or emailed me first and the rest is history. we both fell hard and fast. it was a God thing. all there is to it. )

our family picture (my handsome husband and my adorable boy)

Pictures from Thanksgiving

Nash enjoying his Thanksgiving meal with his daddy. Chris feed him pretty much his whole meal and thought it was funny how excited he got over it. He loves sweet potatoes and his daddy and I don't.

He liked playing football outside.

family pics.

We had a great Thanksgiving as always. Food was great. Family was nice to be around. Nash did good even without having much of a nap. (he's taking an extra long afternoon nap to make up for it now). We were stuffed but a little bumed that all the chocolate pie was gone before we got a piece. Going to have to have my mother-in-law make another one!

a couple pictures I took this weekend

We had a busy and eventful weekend. Friday day we played with Nate and had a great time. We met Nate and Kat at the park. They played hard. It was funny to see their different personalities. I have to say Nate is quite the dare devil as he tried to run into the creek, dive down slides, took a tumble off the side of the play area, and had a smirk about him knowing he was doing something he was not supposed to or at least knowing he was going to get a reaction out of his mom. Nash just played and was more timid about the slide and all. He thought it was exciting just going back and forth over the ramp. Nash said "Nate" when playing with him. He has been saying his own name to. Sounds more like "Naaaash". They laughed hysterically when they were told that putting a rock or stick in their mouth was "yucky" and made each other laugh.
Saturday we attempted to go see Santa with Misty and Braydi. Nash was in line. He looked at Santa and did fine but as soon as we got close to Santa for him to sit in his lap he clamed up, cringed, clung to me, and cried something awful. Several things were funny about this. One, Nash had on his shirt that said "I am Santa's Favorite". Also, the other parents in line who were afraid their kids would get scared of Santa kept saying to their kids. "It's okay. Santa's nice. Sit on his lap and tell him what you want for Christmas. He's a nice guy. Just sit in his lap and take a pretty picture". So, needless to say I didn't get to get a picture of him and Santa this year. Then we took the kids to Chuck E. Cheese and they had a great time.
Saturday night we went to Morrilton to watch the Jr. Boys play in the championship game. Nash had fun. He loves watching basketball and playing it even more. He spent most of the time playing basketball on the side with me and a couple of other kids. We lost and did not play well but still got second place.
Sunday we had a thanksgiving lunch at Chris's Memaw and Papaw's. This was unexpected. We do it every year but this year we weren't because papaw isn't doing well so we weren't going to have it but changed it last minute which was a good thing. We don't see that side of the family much other than holidays so it was nice seeing them. Nash had a good time playing with his cousins outside which is pictured below.

The lack of pictures baffles me. I guess I just didn't take time to get my camera out. I am hoping when Santa brings me a smaller camera then maybe it will be easier to carry around with me to things like things this weekend that I didn't take pictures of. I love my big camera and it takes great pictures but some times it isn't practial to carry around. The only reason these were taken is because we were outside and everyone was taking pictures and I happened to grab my camera out of the car to take some. Which I am glad I did because, I probably got the only good one of the cousins with all of them looking.

Now I am feeling "yucky" myself and hope to feel better by Thanksgiving. Just thought that last year on Thanksgiving I had Strep Throat. Going to the doctor tomorrow. I feel like I have a sinus infection. So, we'll see.

my job

I get a lot of questions about my job. I think people are just intrigued by what I do. I got the question tonight, Is it hard for you to hear the stuff you hear? How do you deal with that? That's a good question and I guess I really don't give it a lot of thought outside of work on how I deal with it.
Yes, it is hard to hear some of the things I hear. Yes, it is hard to see people that have had gone through so much tough things that most people don't hear about. Yes, some clients are frustrating because they seem to make their own trouble for themselves and don't take responsibility for their behavior. Yes, my job is stressful.
However, in graduate school (I think on one of our first classes) a professor was showing us a research study that was done on people going into the mental health field about their own experiences and most of them have had some sort of a rough upbringing or have been through something that made them want to enter into the field. I found that intriging and makes a lot of sense. I knew when I started grad school that I was in the right place. The other grad students and I imediately had some sort of bond and even those that I may be completley different in some ways, in some ways we really connected. Maybe our personalities or just the underlying want or need to help others. I have great friends that I have met in grad school and I value their friendship greatly.
One area that I am oddly attracted to is Loss and Grief. It is sad, depressing, etc. but I think what I like about it is that everyone has experienced it in some way and I think we are the most vulnerable at that time in our lives. There is this one particular grief expert that I like to hear him talk. He makes a lot of sense to me. He basically says that all of us mental health workers for some reason or another and in some strange way are attracted to the darker things in life which in a weird way makes sense. He stated that his kid asked him why he was in this field. Why did he want to hear about loss and grief and all that all day long? He joking said oh you also get to hear about depression, anxiety, phobias, substance abuse, tragedies, mental illness, abuse, yada yada yada. Basically saying, yeah it is all dark stuff.
One way I think I deal with it is just being so grateful for what I have and for myself and my family I try to make healthy and responsible decisions. I also have so much empathy for others and am less likely to judge others because there is so much more the story that you don't know about on the surface. I also don't pretend like I have all the answers. I know I don't and never will. Life and people are complicated and it's not about having the answers to everything but about making the best out of a situation and be able to be truly there for someone in an unbiased way (unconditional positive regard) that helps people heal, learn, and grow. My faith helps a lot. I know what I believe and I am strong in that. I know that God uses me to help others and feel blessed and priveleged to be able to do so.
There are some negative consequences of it. Like I am super paranoid about things because I hear about it all the time. I don't trust people easily. I am very cautious and anxious a lot of the time. I tend to over think things and over analyze things. I also tend to need my time. I need time to do what makes me happy like be with my son and my husband and live low key. I don't like to be too overwhelmed. I don't want to have too many things going on at once. It's a way I balance out the stress. I can't help what I hear and the stress I deal with at work but I can manage my own life not to add stress when it's not needed.
Yes, sometimes I question on my bad days or difficult days. Why did I do this again? Why did I chose a career that is all around pretty negative and stressful. I know no job is easy and I think what helps is that we were trained in grad school to be able to leave your job at your job and take care of yourself so that you can be effective at your job and not be run down yourself. For the most part, I've done well with that and am pretty good about setting boundaries. I tend to get on overload if I have stressful personal things going on because it feels like too much. Also I know in my heart for whatever reason that this is what I was called to do. I don't say that in a boasting way because it is not a glamorious job (realitively low pay for the amount of education, a difficult job, and not the most popular job; for example try telling someone your a therapist and watch everyone either one stop talking out of fear you are analyzing them or two tell you their whole life story or what's going on with someone else they know that they think they need help). I know in my heart that in that God wanted me in this field for whatever reason and have known that for a really long time. I trust that and it is rewarding knowing that I am doing what he wants me to do. It is amazingly rewarding to be able to help. Not everybody is helped but a lot are and it is nice to play a roll in making someone else's life better.
So, there's my answer. It is not particulary well written and rather lengthly but that's my answer. However, when someone ask me in person I say "I don't know I just do" or "It's okay" because the therapist in me really has to explain it for it to make sense and normally I don't want to go into all that because I am too drained from work!! (kind of joking but kind of not).

old photos that make me tear up

I borrowed my mother-in-laws small camera recently and came across these old photos that are super sweet to me.



Nash with his daddy and great grandpa

Nash with his Poppy and holding his cousin Skylar's hand

Nash tugging on his great memaw's necklace

Nash's first Halloween with the tricker treaters

Nash oh so sweet sleeping. couldn't be more than a couple months old

Nash's first trip to Horton's Electric (my inlaw's buisness) about a month old.

Nash out to eat with us for my birthday. He was probably six weeks old.

he's a baller, shot caller

look at that face. he really tries hard and concentrates. and yes it does go in most of the time.

he even has follow through

what can i say the kid loves basketball. he comes by it honestly and am sure will have plenty of opportunities to be coached by his daddy. are we looking at a future NBA player? i think possibly.