busy, busy, dreadfully busy...

(the title for this post is from Nash's Veggie Tale Movie)

I guess I have been busy. It kind of feels that way. I started my new job about a week and half ago. The first week was just orientation to the company (polices, procedures, cpr, cpi, tours, insurance, etc). This week I have actually been at the school doing the summer program and getting trained on paperwork, procedures, etc. So far so good. I like my supervisor. She is down to earth and easy to talk to and get direction from when needed which is always nice. I think I am going to like it. It is a lot to learn though and it feels like starting all over which really it is. So, that makes me a little uneasy but I am catching on. I requires you to be very independent which I am but because it is so unstructured I want to be super structured and organized which I can only do a little at a time and I am not quite there yet. I am sure once I get in my groove I will be fine or at least I hope so.

Chris has been very busy too. Now that he is head coach, he has off season every day where he goes up to the school and the guys work out and play basketball and several nights out of the week they have practice games and are going to camps. It feels like it is basketball season already.


Nash has been good. I think he may be teething because he is waking up at night again crying and even after coming to our bed he still does not sleep well which means I don't sleep well. I hear they get their two year old molars around this time. I haven't felt anything yet and it's hard to see back there. He also has had some rough dirty diapers too. We have regressed significantly with the paci. Now I am wondering if part of that is from teething as well. I know most of it is due to the 10 hour car drive to and from FL where he had his paci most of the time but did amazing well during both trips. Now he calls it his "pass-e-fi-er". He enunciates well. In other Nash news, I have order Nash a matching monkey backpack and lunch box for when he starts Mother's Day Out in a month. (Okay I don't want to talk about it any further, I think I might cry).

My migraines have been horrible. Long story short I tried another preventative that actually made me feel pretty rough for most of the day  due to the side effects and only stopped my migraines to every two days. I could have waited it out longer but I have decided enough is enough and am getting off of hormonal birth control and the preventative I was on. Therefore, I have had a migraine every day. My only hope and peace about is I know when I did this last time after a few weeks I got to where the migraines were few and far between and at one time I went a month without one until I got on a new hormonal birth control.

There is no easy transition here but this morning my aunt passed away. She has been battling cancer for years. She recently started going down hill  and in the last couple of weeks went down hill pretty quickly. I have not really processed this yet and it still kind of hard to wrap my brain around it. I mean in a way it's not and in a way it is. My aunt is a sister to my grandmother who passed way a few years ago. I always associated the two of them together because they were together a lot. My grandmother never got to see Nash. I got pregnant with Nash a month or so after my grandmother passed. My aunt was crazy about Nash. She saw him a lot, bought him things even though she didn't have much money to do so, and loved being around him. I think her and I got somewhat closer because of him and my grandma passing. She went on and on about him all the time. I like to think that is how my grandmother would have been with him. I am sorry she is gone and going to miss her. I know her and my grandmother are together now and maybe she is telling her all about Nash.  I am glad she is out of pain and  I know I will see her again some day. I feel so sorry for her kids and grand kids.

The Tattoo

Before I get started, yes it hurt like
crazy and I am glad it wasn't much bigger than it was.

So, I got at tattoo while I was in FL. What really possessed me to do it, I really don't know. My brother gets one every year that he goes down there and I think that is a little much. I have nothing against tattoos (obviously) but never really knew of anything I could think of that I wanted tattooed on me for the rest of my life. I really wasn't planning on getting one this time. However, when I was down there as they were talking about what they were getting the thought kept coming to my head of getting a Jesus fish on my foot.
So, one afternoon my sister who was with us wanted her belly pierced with I was trying to talk her out of just because I saw one done before and saw how bad it hurt. I thought I will just take her down there to see about it and then I will ask about mine. We get there and I explain to the lady what were are both looking for and immediately they say because my sister is 14 and not yet 15 she can't have her's done. I though oh crap the pressure is on me. So I look and find one on the wall that I like. I start freaking out. I decide for whatever reason against everything in me that I am just going to go ahead and do it. One, no one thought I would and for some reason I just fight through the fear and do it.
There is this man there who is tattooed up who is the one going to be doing my tattoo and who is a complete jerk to me the entire time. The reason-I am getting a Jesus fish tattoo. He makes it very clear. He keeps saying Jesus ain't got nothing to do with it or God ain't got nothing to do with it when I am freaking out and calling out on God. I lightly joke back at him. With me being a girl he doesn't just crush me but is being pretty harsh. I see all over Chris's face like "we can leave any time you want". I knew there was a bigger issue going on though so I stuck it out and try to make light ot it even though under any other circumstances I would have been gone. Anyway so while on the table about to or during my tattoo he says "in case you can't tell I am not a religious person". I say something to the effect of "no I can tell". He says "Oh because of the way I look". I say "no it has nothing to do with the way you look. The entire time you have been riding me and giving me a hard time". He says "I just don't believe what you believe. I believe it's whatever that gets you through the day that matters". I say "sir, I am not judging you. You believe what you believe and I believe what I believe". His whole attitude changed from that point on. He said "I know your not". The truth is he was judging me the whole time. Thinking I was going to be a preachy Christian and tell him he's going to Hell if he doesn't get his life together and yada yada yada. I am sure he has heard enough of that and that is what he had me pegged for from the word go.
Don't you know I have obessed and analyzed this situation a million times. I feel like I was supposed to get the tattoo. I feel like I was supposed to meet this man. I feel like this man needed to see that even though he wanted me to judge him and pushed every button to get me to I was not going to. That poor man underneath it all has been hurt badly by someone and sadly probably some "Christain". Lord help us. God is love and wants us to show love to others. There as some very wounded people out there who I feel like instead of being preached to need to first feel like they are loved and accepted for who they are.

Our Beach Vacation

The choo choo train ride-one of Nash's favorite things to do in Destin.

If you look real closely (you might have to enlarge the picture) you will see an adorable boy looking up at the "big guitar". He was amzed by it.

My 14 year old sister, sister-in-law and myself. I joking said to my sister-in-law we should just paste our heads on our sister's body.

Finally a picture of just Chris and I. I don't think there has been one since we were dating. I thought it turned out good.

Besties Nash and Nate

Could these two be any cuter???........ I really don't think so.

The Last Day

Today was my last day at my job I have had for the past four years. It was a weird feeling day. It kinda felt like the last day of school. I was so busy for most of the day that it was hard for it to really sink in and I wanted to be able to spend a little time with some co-workers saying bye and all that good stuff. Towards the end of the day I kind of got that opportunity and without saying too much I also was very much validated and reassured that I made the right decision once again in a totally unexpected but very affirming way.
This has been a difficult month. Every hour saying goodbye is hard. I would always save it for the end of the session of course so the person could actually  have a session. The first person I told it to was someone I had been seeing for a long time (almost the whole time I have been there) and it was very heartbreaking for both of us. I had many experiences like that in the last month so it has been quite emotionally draining more than anything. I was quite strong and held it together. I don't do good in emotionally awkward situations. I kind of just freeze on the verge of tears. Everybody (after the initial shock and talking through it) was supportive and wished me well of course I did the same for them. It was very rewarding to know that people thought so highly of me and felt like they were heard, were cared for, and helped by me. It's weird how you think others perceive you and the way they actually do.
Another weird therapist insight I gained in these last few sessions, it's like when people knew I was leaving some of them totally let down whatever guard they may of still had up. I thought that was amazing. They just let it all hang out. So we had some very productive last few sessions which I was very pleased with.
What I think is amazing is being in the helping field is how much you gain from others. Here you are supposed to be "the helper" but really I learn so much from my clients and their experiences that in a lot of ways they help me.
I will miss the kind of work I did as far as seeing a variety of different people but I am much looking forward to the new company I am going to work for and the different perks of this job. I am officially unemployed until July 12th which is a weird thought. I am taking a much needed week's vacation next week and starting my new job the following week. I am getting  more and more excited about it. I am a nerd. It feels like starting the first day of school. I never really was crazy about school until I got to college. I loved college. Not for the typical reason most people love college (the partying, the freedom). I found out who I was and what I was capable of in college. I gained self-confidence that I didn't really have much of before. I found out that I really was smart and had passions and had the ability and capability to pursue those passions and that I was good at it. That's a good feeling. So, that is how I am looking at this new job. It's a passion of mine that I get to explore, experience, learn, and grow as both a person and professional.