The Last Day

Today was my last day at my job I have had for the past four years. It was a weird feeling day. It kinda felt like the last day of school. I was so busy for most of the day that it was hard for it to really sink in and I wanted to be able to spend a little time with some co-workers saying bye and all that good stuff. Towards the end of the day I kind of got that opportunity and without saying too much I also was very much validated and reassured that I made the right decision once again in a totally unexpected but very affirming way.
This has been a difficult month. Every hour saying goodbye is hard. I would always save it for the end of the session of course so the person could actually  have a session. The first person I told it to was someone I had been seeing for a long time (almost the whole time I have been there) and it was very heartbreaking for both of us. I had many experiences like that in the last month so it has been quite emotionally draining more than anything. I was quite strong and held it together. I don't do good in emotionally awkward situations. I kind of just freeze on the verge of tears. Everybody (after the initial shock and talking through it) was supportive and wished me well of course I did the same for them. It was very rewarding to know that people thought so highly of me and felt like they were heard, were cared for, and helped by me. It's weird how you think others perceive you and the way they actually do.
Another weird therapist insight I gained in these last few sessions, it's like when people knew I was leaving some of them totally let down whatever guard they may of still had up. I thought that was amazing. They just let it all hang out. So we had some very productive last few sessions which I was very pleased with.
What I think is amazing is being in the helping field is how much you gain from others. Here you are supposed to be "the helper" but really I learn so much from my clients and their experiences that in a lot of ways they help me.
I will miss the kind of work I did as far as seeing a variety of different people but I am much looking forward to the new company I am going to work for and the different perks of this job. I am officially unemployed until July 12th which is a weird thought. I am taking a much needed week's vacation next week and starting my new job the following week. I am getting  more and more excited about it. I am a nerd. It feels like starting the first day of school. I never really was crazy about school until I got to college. I loved college. Not for the typical reason most people love college (the partying, the freedom). I found out who I was and what I was capable of in college. I gained self-confidence that I didn't really have much of before. I found out that I really was smart and had passions and had the ability and capability to pursue those passions and that I was good at it. That's a good feeling. So, that is how I am looking at this new job. It's a passion of mine that I get to explore, experience, learn, and grow as both a person and professional.